It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
