My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we're making bets on your personal life
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
