I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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