My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
