Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
