i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
