He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you would pick up someone in the library
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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