My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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