Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
