u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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