Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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