i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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