I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
