kristin has been a bad kristin
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
