I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
