Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
