I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
