You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
