I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
only you would photoshop your dick
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
