his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
