Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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