who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
