Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
