I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
