Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
