I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
