Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
