Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize