4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
