I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Your cock deserves a montage
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
