i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
