Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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