I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
