My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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