I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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