he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
