Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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