My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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