If that was your dad, he is hot
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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