two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
