everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This gyro tastes like lonliness
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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