Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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