Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
