I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
