No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
