lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
