guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
