WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
