i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
