I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So much rum. So many feels.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
