he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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