Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
