if i can run in heels then i can drive
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
